political convention

political convention
Twitter: @PhilipKipper

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Pope Exorcises American Billionaire


From our religion correspondent

The Vatican: Church officials have disclosed that Pope Francis has taken the extraordinary step of performing an exorcism on a wealthy American. The man, who has not been publicly identified, was brought to Rome by his wife and daughter. They told Vatican investigators he was delusional and believed members of his family were devil worshipers. He also spoke an unintelligible language and turned bright red during lengthy rants.       

Pope Francis with exorcism subject and family 

It is not clear why the Vatican agreed to the extremely rare papal exorcism. The last one is believed to have been carried out by Pope Innocent VI in 1359.  Speculation is that the American is a billionaire who has secretly worked with Vatican representatives in the United States to transform abandoned churches into hotel-casinos and defunct Catholic cemeteries into golf courses. 

Sources report that the exorcism was conducted in a hidden chamber used for treating wayward priests. The specific rituals employed by the Pope have not been disclosed. A church historian said that it could well involve the administration of strong emetics, the use of hypnosis, or even flagellation.

A witness to the procedure, who wished to remain anonymous, said the main target of the exorcism was a demon that controlled the man by deluding him into thinking he was president of the United States. Whether the exorcism was successful has not been revealed.  




                               

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