Pharmaspeak: In Pill, Liquid or Tablet Form

The names for many common drugs advertised on television have no medical significance.   They sound like real words and are meant to evoke pleasant emotions or scientific authority. But in reality they are coined by advertising agencies or paid word doctors and tested with focus groups to make sure they produce the intended effect.  Might these words become part of our everyday vocabulary?  Here is the story of a harried business executive translated into Lingquest, the brand name for generic pharmaspeak: 

“I was up to my neck in spiriva. I longed for the days when I felt the ambien that made working in business eliquis, even allegra at times. But things weren't the same anymore in this prilosec. Symbicort had filed a zantac in court that probably meant prevacid, if not final crestor. It was going to be a complete farxiga for my business and probably my cialas.  Luckily, Brisdelle called.  What a lyrica that woman is. She suggested we meet at a salonpas and have a nexium or two to celebrex the levitra we still had together and our boniva lunestra. But I just couldn't get the face of Vitorin, the Symbicort CEO, out of my mind.  Feeling utterly plavix, I downed a shot of cymbalta. Suddenly everything became clariton. I would tell my lipitor to file suit to get a requip and put a stop to this raid on my flomax. Then I could look forward once again to the avandia I had always dreamed of.”