Global Warming, Drought in California, Jihadi Victory? It's All Obama's Fault

President Obama is one of the most powerful men in history.  Alexander the Great ranks a little higher because he conquered nearly all the great nations of the ancient world and imposed his Hellenistic culture and values on their inhabitants.  But Obama is catching up, and some of his accomplishments have been downright magical.

Among them:

He’s prevented the U.S. Senate from approving numerous ambassadorial appointments simply by snubbing senators who are anxious to work with him. According to the New York Times, Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid was thunderstruck at a recent White House meeting when the President told him to go back to his office and talk to his senatorial colleagues if he wanted a vote on the new ambassadors.  Reid could only blubber in his customary manner.

Obama’s powerful reach from the Oval Office also continues to slow down other important Senate actions.  Senator Joe Manchin, a West Virginia Democrat, says that if only the President held hands with legislators and gave them encouragement, issues like immigration reform and climate change could be resolved.  Manchin, who is considered a centrist by undiscerning journalists, is a regular advocate on behalf of the coal industry and the NRA.  These groups seem to love holding his hand.  
 

Governor Rick Perry of Texas is also keenly aware of the President’s might.  Perry was indicted by an Austin grand jury for abusing his power as governor by threatening to withhold funding for a state ethics commission.  According to Perry, Obama exerted his influence on grand jurors and prosecutors to invent the felony charges against him.  Obama has no legal power in a local matter, but we now know that he has god-like omnipotence when it comes to Texas politics.

According to Sen. John McCain, the President also has great power internationally. He has made it possible for jihadist rebels in Syria to achieve huge gains in their campaign to destroy the Assad regime.  Like Zeus, the President’s ability to pick winners and losers among mortals is extraordinary. 

Likewise, Hilary Clinton sees Obama as a colossus who long ago  could have resolved the Syrian problem by sending equipment and advisors to help anti-Assad  moderates.  But now she chafes under Obama’s Zen-inspired diplomacy, which has allowed the Kurds to effectively take on ISIS fighters in northern Iraq without significant ground involvement by the U.S. 

There is not enough space here to detail other great acts by the President.  But according to observers, he has been a major cause of climate change; has abetted the drought in western states; has promoted mass immigration to the U.S. by not throwing out unaccompanied children who have illegally crossed the border; has insured continued war between Israelis and Palestinians; and is destroying the American economy and the educational system. 

The President's power is awesome…and it really helps to have someone to blame for all our problems.