political convention

political convention
Twitter: @PhilipKipper

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Why Not Silvio Berlusconi, a Candidate Republicans Can Believe In?

Though he wasn’t born in the U.S. (not important in this case, say Republicans), Silvio Berlusconi, the recently deposed conservative prime minister of Italy, is now available to run in the Iowa caucuses and go all the way to the Republican nomination for president. 

Berlusconi is the perfect Republican candidate.  He comes from a solid middle class background and worked his way up the ladder to become Italy’s equivalent of Rupert Murdoch, far richer than Romney or Cain.  

Berlusconi’s media empire was largely built on the success of television programs featuring corny game shows with lots of young women wearing skimpy bikinis. He frequently invited these employees home so he could advise them on their career options.  Imagine the appeal of all this to male voters in conservative states like South Carolina and Texas.

Berlusconi got into politics by forming his own political party called Forza Italia. Like the Tea Party in the U.S., it promotes traditional family values, Christian morality, and individual freedom to become rich.  Concern for the weaker among us is a key item in the party’s charter, which is why Berlusconi feels comfortable schmoozing with his game show hostesses back at the house.

Most important, Berlusconi embodies the political traits of the current crop of Republican candidates without their stale Lilliputian personalities. 

Like Romney he can go either way on the issues.

Like Cain, he believes in unfettered free enterprise and thinks that’s about all presidents need to know. 

Like Newt Gingrich he may be indicted at any moment for fraudulent business practices, philandering, or engaging in bribery (known in this country as getting paid huge sums as an influence peddler). 

He lives nearer the Vatican than Rick Santorum and that should be worth something. 

Like Michele Bachmann, he thinks a “fact” is a tidbit of information with no necessary relationship to reality. 

He has more street smarts than Jon Huntsman and wouldn’t be caught dead in Utah.

As for Ron Paul, what a running mate he'd make.  Paul is a libertarian who opposes big government but wants to ban abortion so government can order women to bear unwanted children.  Berlusconi is a libertine who has unwanted children all over Italy.  

Rick Perry has only one thing in common with Berlusconi.  They both could be characters in a spaghetti western. 

It’s only a matter of time before Silvio comes knocking at Karl Rove’s front door.  What a relief that the Republicans will finally have a candidate with a strong background in business, experience governing, and a certain je ne sais quoi.  How do you say that in Italian?

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